Back Home

(Lyrics from Back Home by Andre Tanker)

 

i went away / i leave an i come back home / i come back to stay / i must see meh way

It feels as though every time I leave, it takes longer to come back.

first six months, then nine, now ten–

as if they have been grooming me to leave forever.

I ask myself how people could leave for years and years and never look back?


not even once?

But the truth is, it gets easier.

What is one year more when you’ve been gone for five?

or ten?


or twenty?

i went away / i leave an i come back home / i come back to stay / i must see meh way

 Each time I fear that she will not take me back.

I think anyone who has ever left home for length of time can tell you about that fear

that you have changed too much to go back to the place

that you cannot call it home without a sour taste in your mouth.

You don’t live somewhere without it changing you and can’t come back without those changes

Whether is a yankee accent, or an expectation of something better.

i went away / looking for another home / tried to run away / run way from my destiny /

Yuh see, we is d people who does come back sayin ting like
“Well back in Canada…”

in another world / a world that was strange to me / tried to change myself / change my identity

But what we doesn’t tell yuh is how we don’t fit there either

Because whatever Canada or New York or England or other northern promised land we have created

Despite the efficiency of public transit or the cheapness of “food”

We know that we will never really be more than our hyphenations

Than our exotic accents

Than our otherness.

Calling there home gives you that sour taste too.

You can’t live somewhere without it shaping you, and you can’t leave without taking whatever idea of home you had with you.

i went away / i leave an i come back home / i come back to stay / i must see meh way

Alphabet Love Song

Alphabet Love Song

(For PC 37, 38, 39)

A B C D E F G H… H… H…

H has become too heavy a letter for me.

Home, heart, hurt…

Heavy because home is where the heart is

And being here has halved my heart hundreds of times

So each of you can take it home with you.

And with your heart in over 80 countries,

There can only be hurt.

A B C D E F G H I J K L

Hurt and longing.

Longing for those you may never see again

And for those whom seeing everyday is still not enough,

Longing goes hand in hand with leaving and being left

And we learn to get good at that here, don’t we?

But there is also love.

So much love that it makes all this heaviness,

all this longing and leaving,

worth it.

So much love that it makes sense that I’d need

90 heart horcruxes to deal with it

and I know that whether I’m in

Argentina or Australia,

Zimbabwe or Zambia,

That there will always be love

And there will always be home.

Shop Boy Crush

Do you have a lunch break, or do you sustain on cuteness and sheepish smiles?

Because if you do, I do too.

And i don’t mean to be ambiguous but I do mean both.

Because if you don’t have a lunch break, I don’t really need

That soup and a sandwich I buy everyday

Just that smile…

See I’m like a plant except instead of sunshine, I flourish on your shine

Because boy do you shine.

See I’m more like a flower than anything else,

You know, like how they lean to the sun and all?

Yeah, that’s my flow and I wouldn’t mind if perhaps we could…

Pollinate?

No I’m just kidding, I meant conversate,

Oh sorry,

Converse, my bad.

Your brightness makes me a little dizzy

So forgive me if I get a little bit mixed up,

You make my head light with your light.

And if you do break for lunch?

Perhaps you can take a break by the juice bar

Because bar none, you are sweet

And it would be nice to see your other half

And perhaps another side of you

Other than” thank you and please come again,”

though at this point I’m sure even though you say that to all the girls

and all the boys

and whoever else may patronize this fine establishment,

that you specifically mean me…

so if you have a lunch break, or sustain on cuteness and sheepish smiles

remember I do too.